Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
