so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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