im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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