I think my fart just growled at me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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