One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
