haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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