I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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