come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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