Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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