Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
