Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
