I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Damn victory sex feels great
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize