That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
