3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
