Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
