I puked a lego.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
