3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
