Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
