We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
