Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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