So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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