I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
