Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
