"it" just moved
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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