well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
