The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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