it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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