More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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