U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
