good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
