3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need water and some morals
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