My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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