Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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