You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
