He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
