he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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