I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The uberlube is also flammable
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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