eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
