so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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