I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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