this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
