sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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