I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
