It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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