Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
