I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
