Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
