we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize