she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
