I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
