ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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