How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize