I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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