I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
