We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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