it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
