I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
