How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
