So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
