Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
