he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
