Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
