The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
