im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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