You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
