Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
