Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
